Letters From The Heart 21

Today was a very cold brisk day. One of those days where you want to stay inside, sit by the fire and drink hot coco! But we went out; mom wanted to go to the Christian book store and on the way there I went right through a stop light, I couldn't stop...the roads were to slick. It made mom sick to her stomach. I just smiled and thanked God for protecting us.

We had a wonderful visit with Aunt Sharon & Aunt Charlene; we missed you Aunt Carol, hope your feeling better. Thank you for sharing your time with us, I know everyone is busy these days so again thank you for spending time with us. Mom was so happy to see you! And so was I.

I was able to get on line tonight and get mom's Medicare D finished. I pray I picked the right plan for her. It took some time to go through all the plans but it's done now so mom won’t need to worry anymore. Ben was helpful too. He was able to get me started.

I almost forgot it was New Years Eve; Fayth just came in here to ask me what we were going to do, so I better find something fun to do. I will probably call my friend Michelle... or the family Christian radio station will be at skate rink tonight, maybe I'll take mom roller skating!!! She use to love roller skating!

Since it's almost a new year, let us be reminded that it doesn't take a new years resolution to change, God can change our hearts any day, anytime, anywhere.

Lamentations 3:23 Great is thy faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day.

May you have a Blessed New Year!

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Mom had a great day, she was feeling good and full of energy. She wanted to take a drive and feel the warmth of the sun on her face and she was cracking up laughing for no reason...mom and I laughed and laughed, that kind of laugh you get when you just can't stop and you forget what your laughing about. She had a wonderful day! We were driving to Wal-Mart to get her eyes checked and she said "I feel like Jesus healed me" Oh Lord in Heaven I pray for that to be true!

It was a beautiful day!


Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_QihM7oMDY

Click on link

Mom watched her video last night from all of us kids. She wanted someone to watch it with her so I did. She cried and laughed and cried some more... After watching it I found myself being so sad...There was something missing in that video. It wasn't love nor affection towards mom, because we all really love her, I think it was childhood. I thought of my relationship with my mother and I compared it to the relationships I have with my own children. I missed out on so much with my mom...someone to read me books and tuck me in at night and talk to me when I needed some advise, or just talk to me. I am sad that so much time was wasted...But I have time now, time the Lord will allow and I am thankful.

I remember as a teenager feeling so lost and just wanting to die. I felt I got a raw deal out of life and didn't know a reason for living. I would get myself in these deep deep depressions and thoughts of suicide would run ramped in my head. I remember hatred would flow through my veins. Hatred towards my mother. I had no respect for her..."Has anyone ever asked you if you could change anything in your life what would it be"? I use to say nothing because I am who I am because of my past. But I would of changed the way I treated my mother. Regret would fill my heart if I let it but Christ has shown me how to forgive even if I am the one who needs forgiveness.

I could sit and wondering my life away but I don't have the time or energy. Instead I can make the most out of it now and ask God to keep molding me and shaping me to become the person He wants me to be.

Mike and Shanna paid us a surprise visit today. It was nice getting to know Shanna some more. I made delicious homemade pizza for dinner. But who knows where the pizza cutter went!

Habakkuk 3:17-19 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crops fail, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.

Letters From The Heart 18

Pictures taken tonight at the Christmas Eve Service. The Worship Team and The Mai Family.

A Love So Amazing...

The greatest gift is Jesus!

Tonight was beautiful, we had an evangelist Christmas Eve message where many were saved!

After the service Ben took our family home to start our tradition of reading the book "The Tale of Three Trees" retold by Angela Elwell Hunt. Mom loved the story and as always it made me cry. Another tradition in our family is to write a letter to Jesus and share what our gift is to Him each year. I told mom that if she wanted to write a letter she could, I said that last year Fayth told Jesus she was going to give Him more faith and trust. And this year Dawson wrote that he was going to give Him the gift of more prayer. And do you know what mom said?!? She said I'm going to give Him my heart! I said "that's the best gift you can give" and we cried... Thank you Lord Jesus!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Letters From The Heart 17

It’s Christmas Time!

We had our family Christmas party on Saturday, December 20th, 2008.

We played games like; The Christmas Jar (this game is all about a Christ Centered Christmas), Take Your Pick, Apples to Apples, Linkity and we had our white elephant gift! And we ate and ate and ate! But before we ate we prayed a blessing on us and thanked God for the gift of Jesus. I pray that a tiny seed was planted into the hearts of many.

Mike Jr. and his family were not feeling well; they came down with the flu. They were missed! I pray for a quick recovery and hopefully we will see them soon.

Mom doesn’t know this yet but all of her children put together a tribute for her on video. Each of us took our turn sitting by the fireplace talking to mom from our hearts. She will receive that on Christmas Day. It will be a very special gift.

I soooo see God’s favor in my life…I see Him working in ways that I could never have imagined. God has taken my mothers illness and brought us children closer together and brought mom to Jesus. I received a call from Mike on Sunday, I couldn’t believe it. We talked about God. Mike wanted to know his purpose. I told him that each of us has been blessed with a gift from God and we are to use it for His glory. I told him that this life is preparing us for the future; the future will be either heaven or hell. What we do today matters, do we want to live for ourselves and have eternal agony or live for Jesus and have total peace. Mike said he believes that the devil is real. I said to him; you are right, he is real and he wants your soul. Are you going to let him have it!!! We talked for an hour, PLEASE PLEASE be praying that God will use the words He gave me to bring Mike to salvation. First mom, hopefully Mike….Do you see God’s perfect plan in all of this…God is blessing this family. God’s love is never too late to accept. He is waiting patiently for the lost.

Thank you everyone for your prayers!

Enjoy the pictures and click on them to be enlarged.

Have a very Blessed Christmas!

2 Corinthians 5:17 Those who become new Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!

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It was a quiet day with mom. She wanted to go through some of her things and clean her bathroom. She finally played solitary today. She hasn’t played since she’s been here. She went to bed quit early; 8:30 p.m. Tomorrow if she's feeling up to it, she wants me to take her Christmas shopping for her great grandchildren.

We are having a family Christmas party on Saturday! I am so excited and looking forward to our time together! We’ve only had one of these in the past, about 13 years ago. I have some games we’re going to play and I am going to incorporate scripture and the reason why we celebrate this season. Please be praying for my family to have a pliable heart and an open spirit!

My friend Michelle had an idea from God to purchased thousands of accessories and then give them away. On Tuesday the kids wrapped over 500 presents, today they handed out 500 gifts to one of the local schools. I was blessed! I know those children receiving the gifts were blessed too! The boys and girls club will also be receiving gifts. Thanks Michelle for allowing God to use you to touch the lives of the little children! Click on the picture to enlarge.

Goodnight!

Matthew 18:20 Where two or three are gathered together because they are mine, I am there among them.

Letters From The Heart 15

I’m sorry I haven’t been on to blog…it’s been so busy.














Mom had her last radiation treatment on Tuesday. The nurses came in her room with a balloon and an angel teddy bear clapping and singing congratulations for the completion of her radiation. The cancer center is so sweet! She has no fever, although they took blood work from her to check her red & white blood count, just to make sure there’s no infection anywhere. If she has a fever again; she can take Tylenol and if it gets past 101-102, she will have to be seen; until then Mom doesn’t go back for three weeks! It will be a nice rest for all of us.

I put some Christmas lights upstairs so she has something Christmassy to look at. She didn’t want a tree because of the cat. There really pretty…

I had to go upstairs to put laundry away tonight and I found mom crying again…God is so awesome. He gave us a special moment together. We cried and we prayed and the angels are rejoicing. My mother is saved! My eyes are filled with tears of happiness and my heart is filled with thankfulness. God confirmed it when mom saw the reflection of the Christmas lights on the TV screen in the sign of a cross with Jesus wrapping His arms around her. The Holy Spirit was all over me…I want to write about what was all said but it was so…powerful. I can’t find words to express what took place. It was total God doing what He does best, allowing Him to do His work and to TRUST.

Mom asked me tonight to forgive her for not always being the mother she should have been and even though that came to pass a long time ago, I believe she needed to know that she was forgiven. And I needed her forgiveness too. Thank you Jesus!

Aunt Sharon, Aunt Charlene, and family, please let your hearts be overwhelmed with great joy, mom will be going home to be with Jesus. I have no doubt anymore. Please continue to be in constant prayer for her relationship with Jesus to grow stronger during this time. We talked about our sin, we talked about God’s grace, we talked about hope and we cried a lot. Mom was speaking words of a believer, it was amazing!

Mom was worried that her kids will fight after she's gone but I reassured her that God has used this time to draw us closer and she needed to hear that Connie was going to be ok. And she will. God uses hardships to draw us closer to Him and one another. I can seeing God working in so many area's and in so many dynamics.

Praise God!

Oh...my son Nick received his drivers licence today!

Joel 2:32 Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. There will be people on Mount Zion in Jerusalem who escape, just as the Lord has said. These will be among the survivors whom the Lord has called.

Letters From The Heart 14

Mom’s has a fever. Last night it was 102.4 -102.9; she also had a stomach ache. This morning it was 101.0 and this afternoon it was 99.2; tonight she wouldn’t let me take her temp but she says she’s feeling better. If it goes back up I will be taking her to the ER. I have a feeling the cancer center will want to give her some fluids tomorrow. She ate some streak, rice, and corn and fruit salad for dinner but just enough to maybe feed a two year old. I’ve learned to give her very small portions so it’s not overwhelming for her. The thought of food makes her sick. She definitely needs to be drinking more…

She slept most the day…

I found her crying again…my heart breaks for her. God is the only One who can give her the comfort she really needs; that peace. I pray God can use the people around her to help encourage her during this time. Prayer is so important and powerful; please continue to pray for her. Thank you!

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8welVgKX8Qo

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The nutritionist was very helpful and gave us great tips on how to add extra calories into mom’s diet. The doctors said she can not lose any more weight. She ate pretty well today. She still has no appetite but she is trying hard to eat.

Randy had to come into town to pick up a manual for his snowmobile so he came by for a visit. God is at work here because I have never spent so much time with my brother. It is so nice to be building a relationship with him after all these years.

We also had Kathy and Cindy come over from mom’s work. They came bearing gifts again! As you can tell from the picture! They have been so sweet helping me with paper work and showing mom so much love and kindness. They have done so much for her I can’t even tell you. Thanks for the turkeys! Mom has appreciated everything everyone has done for her. I appreciate it too!

I’m going to bed, I’m just as tired as mom today…

2 Corinthians 9:8 God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.

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Mom’s oncologist is very nice and very thorough. He spoke in terms we could understand. She opted not to do chemo right now. Her oncologist is going to meet with her once a month to see how the cancer is progressing then she could choose at a later date to take chemo if she wants to.

He said the radiation will work up to 4 weeks after completing the sessions. Her last treatment is next week Tuesday. She will get a CAT scan and blood work next month. The doctors can not cure mom; they can only help control the cancer. God the Creator of life and breath can heal her if it’s in His will.

I asked him how fast the cancer could spread and he said he really doesn’t know but if he was going by how fast the tumor grew in her pelvic area, it took three month to go from nothing to 45 X 37 millimeters. A significant growth. They also want to monitor the spot in her skull. Her blood pressure was better today. She’s drinking more but still no appetite yet.

Pam came for mom’s appointment; it was so nice having someone else there with us. We had fun teasing mom about the doctor, she wondered what he looked like so we gave mom a silly fake description…anyway it was funny. It made mom laugh which sometimes is the best medicine. We had a little bit of a wait so Pam and I played I Spy and mom joined in on the fun! We went out for lunch afterward. The picture is from today!

James 1:2 Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.

Letters From The Heart 11

Yesterday I needed to go through some important paperwork with mom. It was for her accelerated life insurance benefit. That was tough…mom was crying. We didn’t even finish it because it was just too difficult to go through it.

Just before falling asleep early this morning I sensed fear and deep sadness. I pleaded with God to please heal my mother. There’s not enough time…I need more time with my mother. I need more time.

I didn’t always have a close relationship with my mother; only in the last 14 years has our bond grown stronger and that’s only because God has shown me how to humble myself where I’ve been wrong and extend grace and forgiveness even if none is given back. I will cherish ever moment we have left together.

Her vitals were not good today. Her blood pressure was extremely low and she has lost 10-11 pounds. They wanted to give her an IV but she refused. If she comes in tomorrow and her vitals are still not good they will be keeping her for fluids. She meets with the oncologist and the nutritionist tomorrow. Pam is trying to get off of work so she can join us for her appt. with the doctor.

2 Corinthians 12:9 Each time he said, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dca0P7w9ZQ&feature=channel

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Monday starts another week of radiation...she didn't want to go today; she wanted to stay in her warm cozy bed. I don't blame her, I wanted to too. The cancer center is so good at taking her in right away. I don’t think we ever had to wait long. Usually by the time I park the van she’s already in with the nurse. Mom was out so fast; the boys didn’t even have a chance to finish their math.

There are two “door greeters” at the hospital. Steve is funny, always cracking jokes and being sarcastic. At first mom didn’t like it but now she’s warm up to him and is sarcastic right back. I can’t remember the other guys name, he’s more serous, and maybe mom can get him to smile.

Mom’s been waiting for me to get my Christmas decorations out so she could get in the spirit. So I brought most of it out and set nearly all of it up. It took me from 1:30-9:30 p.m. and then mom was too tired to come down to see it. She’ll see it when she comes down in the morning.

The days seem mundane. I want a chance to have some deep open discussions but mom sleeps a lot and according to this book I’m reading, I have to look for the signs from her to have those conversations. Am I wasting precious time, am I losing opportunities or do I need to have more patience’s?

I know that God is not a God of confusion, which only comes from the god of all lies. I am praying for discernment.

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry.

Letters From the Heart 10

Church was wonderful…I love going to church, I’m like a child who wants to go to Disney world. I look forward to worship, I always want my heart and ears to be open for the message, I love the afterglow of the service where we have open worship and I love spending time with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

We had Ethan’s 8th birthday party with our family and friends today. The kids went sledding down the big hill and had a blast! Ethan was knocked down by John and David as they came rolling down but he was fine. Ethan received a lot of nice gifts.
Thanks everyone!

Barb, mom’s friend of 32 years rode along with Pam so she could visit with her. Barb has three girls, Michelle, Carrie and Shawn and we still remain in contact with all of them and their families. It’s been nice having long time friends like the McKinnon girls.

Mom and Barb were upstairs talking for long time. I pray there conversation was meaningful. I’m sure it’s difficult; this is hard on all of us. It’s not easy to see someone you love dying. Although I will never doubt God’s healing power and if He decides to heal her...that would be an amazing.

Mom was in some pain today; she was feeling stiff in her hip. She had a stomach ache too. She did eat more today so I don’t know if that’s what it's from. She’s been sleeping since 4:00 p.m. when most everyone left the party. I wish there was something I could do for her. She was sharing with my friend Stephanie, Barb and my mother in law Lynda that she feels good for the most part and doesn't' understand how the cancer is affecting her body. Her lungs feel good and that's where the cancer started. We meet with the oncologist on Friday so I will be able to ask some difficult questions.

As a Christian I know God has something to show me. He wants me to take this experience and learn something valuable. God is teaching me to serve, to fill the need. Most importantly He wants to show my mom His everlasting love and compassion. He is longing for her to draw near to Him and accept God’s Son who came to earth, died and rose again for you and me.

Time to go check on mom!

1 Corinthians 7:17 You must accept whatever situation the Lord has put you in, and continue on as you were when God first called you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8gkDiTvloc

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Burrrrrr…to brisk to go out today…although Aunt Sharon was brave enough to weather the cold to come for a visit. Mom and Aunt Sharon spent some time talking while I home schooled the boys. Then the two little ladies ventured downstairs to chat with me for a while. Thanks for coming to visit us today Aunt Sharon!

Mom was walking a tiny bit without the walker but the doctor told her not to do too much because that hip is so fragile, it can break at any time. She went through the rest of her stuff in the spare room, mostly clothes and pictures to sort through. Her spirits seem good.

Mom was telling me about Mrs. Heiress, the cook from Boulevard School. She knew mom loved orange juice so she would secretly call mom over for a glass while everyone else got milk. That is a nice memory mom has from her childhood.

Mom just finished up her liver and onions…I personally have never tried it. Now she is settling in her bed watching the catholic channel. I hope she sleeps better tonight. I pray for peace, peace like a river.

For the past 9 months I have made a commitment everyday to read Romans 12 along with our worship team for as long as God leads us. Those 21 verses have touched my life and my soul. I picked this scripture because it’s all about being a living sacrifice for God; dying to self so God can transform you. Pastor calls it saturation reflection. Where you take scripture and read it everyday for a year. It’s amazing to see God at work in our hearts. He has so much to teach us if we’re willing and obedient.

God’s word comes from Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.

Paul is pleading with us to see what God has done for us and because of His great mercy to give back our heart, mind and will over to God. Sometimes this means we have to swallow a big piece of humble pie. If you can’t grasp the concept of being humble, look to the cross. Jesus was the most humble and He should be our example.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyR0lwO-nXc

Letters From The Heart 8

Mom met with the doctor this afternoon. The prognosis is still the same, by definition she has stage 4 carcinoma cancer that started in the lungs. She has a mass in her right lung, a lymph node in the middle of the chest and a new finding in her skull. The doctor said he may want to biopsy the 5 millimeter nodular. She did have an MRI back in June, they thought they found something then but the result was a normal aging brain. This doctor said it is not the same finding; this one is located in a different area. We don’t know if the cancer spread to her brain or if it’s something else.

I asked the doctor many questions and I have many more, some will have to wait until we meet with the Oncologist next week Friday. He will be talking to mom about the pros and cons of chemo and she will have to make a big decision.

Mom said she doesn’t want to die in the winter. I told her she was going to be around to help plant my garden. I am going to make a place for her to plant a flower garden so every year we can see her flowers bloom. I think it would be a wonderful remembrance of mom.

Mom had another run in with the snake! We figured out that he was lifting the top of the cage now that he is bigger and stronger. She said if the cancer doesn’t kill her, the snake will!! I called Pam up and asked her to take the snake, since Sheldon was the one who gave it to Fayth for her birthday 4 years ago. At least mom is a good sport about the whole thing and we’ll have something to laugh about.

Here is a picture of mom and the beautiful flowers she received from her friend Ralph. They are just gorgeous!























Let our hearts reflect on Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

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To be honest….I am so drained today, I don’t feel like blogging. I am emotionally, spiritually and physically drained…I realize we will probably have days like this.

I am sitting here thinking of what I should write and I have thoughts but I can’t get them to make sense. I need to get recharge, re energized, renewed. The only way I know how to do that is get in the word and take time with God.

I am trying to find balance with being a Christian, wife, mother, teacher, worship leader and caregiver. I am learning and I am praying for a teachable spirit. This I know for sure; I need my time with God to be filled with His spirit so I am able to be all that God wants me to be…

My brother Randy came for a short visit right before dinner. I myself am enjoying our little visits. It’s sad to say but I really don’t know my brother very well…so I look forward to our next visit together and I believe that every small detail God has planned out for us, even this time where my brother and me can get to know each other better.

Mom had another visitor; Josh from church stopped by to say hi. I thought that was sweet for him to come by and pay mom a visit. He invited her to church this Sunday!!! I hope mom is feeling up to it.

Take time to meditate on these words:
Isaiah 40:29-31 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youth will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint.


Here is just two of my favorite songs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KbUvYt1q0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR8rlTIU8_Y

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I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday, Tuesdays are one of my very busy days. I am the worship leader at church and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm usually there from 6-10 p.m. I anticipate worship. It's my most intimate time with God along with prayer. I like the time I spend with God alone but I really look forward to that time with other believes. It's important for us to come together in unity, as the body.

Two weeks ago my father helped Pam & Connie move the rest of my mothers belongings over from Neenah and yesterday mom had a burst of energy as she went through some of her bags. It was thoughtful of my dad to help my mom, talk about forgiveness...

Today mom wanted me to take her to the Laundromat to wash her blankets. The thought that came to mind was servant hood. I am called to serve just like Christ. He came as a man to serve and save the lost. I want to be more like Jesus. I feel blessed that God has given me this opportunity to love and care for my mother during this time. I know He has something to show me and I pray that I will have a teachable spirit.

Our time at the Laundromat was precious. We shared a bottle of green tea together and as we waited, I asked mom if I could have her hand, and for a moment her hand was in mine. When I was a child my mom held my hand, now I will hold hers.

I am reading this book "May I Walk You Home ?" By Rossi. It's an easy read and inspirational. I believe it will help me do what God has called me to do for my mom. I was a little afraid that I would not know what to say or how to help with my mom's illness and I was feeling an urgency for her salvation but once again I realized that God's timing is perfect and He will give me words of wisdom when it's needed. I won't be able to help walk my mom home without the help of a Savior. I am nothing without Him.

Thought of the day:

Galatians 5:13 For you have been called to live in freedom - not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love.

We have a choice, we can serve our sin or we can do the right thing and glorify God by serving others. And not just to do it because we should but serve out of real love and compassion, the kind God would accept.

Letters From The Heart 5

Today is my son Ethan's birthday. I can't believe my baby is already 8 years old! I am so blessed to have wonderful children. We went to a pizza buffet, almost like a chucky cheese with the games and tokens. His friends came and they had a lot of fun!

Mom's radiation treatment went very quick today; we were in and out in 20 minutes. The pain is still there but has lessened so she has been using her walker instead of her wheelchair. The fatigue is still very prevalent, her body needs rest. I was glad she ate better today; she was looking forward to my spaghetti! So when we got home from Ethan's party, I made her dinner. She says I'm a good cook, I get that from her!

I just went up there to tuck her in bed but she was watching a movie and didn't want to be disturbed. She shooed me out when I was trying to talk to her during wheel of fortune too! Mom always did like her T.V.

Mom told me today that she wants her cat's ashes to be put in the urn with her, so I wonder who is going to catch him after she passes! Lucky is almost 16 years old and he is feistier then ever! Mom loves Lucky; he has been a companion for her all these years. He has mom's temperament. I can see why they love each other so much.

To end today’s blog I would like to go to:

Proverbs 3:21-26 My child, don’t lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang on to them, for they fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling. You can lie down without fear and enjoy pleasant dreams. You need not be afraid of disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

God gives us wisdom if we ask for it. I pray that during this time with my mother that I will seek His guidance and gain understanding and knowledge. I want to do what’s best for her. I know most people don’t like talking about death or planning your last days and believe me; God can heal my mother in a heart beat but whatever His will, I want to help prepare her for eternity.