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Mom watched her video last night from all of us kids. She wanted someone to watch it with her so I did. She cried and laughed and cried some more... After watching it I found myself being so sad...There was something missing in that video. It wasn't love nor affection towards mom, because we all really love her, I think it was childhood. I thought of my relationship with my mother and I compared it to the relationships I have with my own children. I missed out on so much with my mom...someone to read me books and tuck me in at night and talk to me when I needed some advise, or just talk to me. I am sad that so much time was wasted...But I have time now, time the Lord will allow and I am thankful.
I remember as a teenager feeling so lost and just wanting to die. I felt I got a raw deal out of life and didn't know a reason for living. I would get myself in these deep deep depressions and thoughts of suicide would run ramped in my head. I remember hatred would flow through my veins. Hatred towards my mother. I had no respect for her..."Has anyone ever asked you if you could change anything in your life what would it be"? I use to say nothing because I am who I am because of my past. But I would of changed the way I treated my mother. Regret would fill my heart if I let it but Christ has shown me how to forgive even if I am the one who needs forgiveness.
I could sit and wondering my life away but I don't have the time or energy. Instead I can make the most out of it now and ask God to keep molding me and shaping me to become the person He wants me to be.
Mike and Shanna paid us a surprise visit today. It was nice getting to know Shanna some more. I made delicious homemade pizza for dinner. But who knows where the pizza cutter went!
Habakkuk 3:17-19 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the olive crops fail, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.
4 comments:
Tara that was beautiful. Regrets we all have i would of treated my mom differently also. There are alot of if onlys in our past. Im glad that i asked Jesus to forgive me for how i treated my mom and also asked mom to forgive me even though she was already gone when i came back to Jesus and asked her to forgive me. Make the most of your time with Mary now and even ask her to read a bedtime story to all of you now. She told me she gave her heart to Jesus when she called me Christmas day. Im sure she loved the video. God Bless Aunt Sharon
Tara,
I am glad I finally had some time to read your blog. Christmas can be so hectic making plans and visiting with friends and family. Thank you for sharing your family experiences and the photos of the memories you are making.
Take Care,
Gail
Hi Mary Jane, I just wanted to let you know that I think of you every day, and I miss you terribly. I read Tara's Blog everyday to check on you and see how you're doing. I so enjoy the photo's of you, and I'm so happy that you've decided to come to Christ. You'll find such comfort in his word. I bet you didn't know that I was a fellow Christian too! My actions didn't always show it. But I am a child of god who is allowed to make mistakes, knowing that I will be forgiven. I'm so glad that you are with Tara and your family, because you need them now, and family is everything. It's a time of healing, forgiveness and nurturing your newfound love for one another. Hope your holidays were wonderful. Write me when you can. You are always in my prayers. Love always, Robin Gaines
Hello everyone...thank you for your comments on my blog. It is comforting to know that people are reading them and encouraging mom during this time. I will make sure mom knows about your words of kindness. Please keep reading... Love Tara
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